Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize