There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
