well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
