she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
