I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
