I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
