why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
