Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
