ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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