there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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