five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
