I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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