Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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