hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
