but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
