Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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