Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
