Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
