My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
