man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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