Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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