I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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