I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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