So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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