Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
