I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
