they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
