So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Randomize
