I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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