You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
