i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize