her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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