Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
