i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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