He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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