did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
