Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
