my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
