My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
