Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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