he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
