My Higher Power is John Stamos
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize