i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
