Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
