Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
