im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize