At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
