What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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