I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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