its not stalking. its research.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
