Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
