I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
