Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
