Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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