she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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