i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
