The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
