i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
