I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My day in three words: secret purse cake
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize