So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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