Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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