a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
