Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
