why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
