Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
