You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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