i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
