how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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