Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
