i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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