...so i touched it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize