my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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