I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
