Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
