I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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