I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
