You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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